Tears Don't Fall
by thehappysisyphus
Summary: OMG, I'M NOT DEAD! A sad oneshot. Somebody apologizes to Spencer for all that he's done. Most likely, this won't be what you think. See inside for warnings. There is a lot. READ AND REVIEW!


**Disclaimer- Yup. Don't own.**

**A/N- Holy God, I'm NOT DEAD!!! I return to you as a better writer, my friends. I wonder if any of you remeber me. 'Cause that's the only color I wear. Oh, and I purposely made this have no background. Be warned: Happy is NOT my major. So this is sad. Beware of slash. ???/Spencer. (Kind of.) Includes: character death, angst, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, drug use, and adultery. (That's the word for cheating, right? Disregard my stupidity.) Written from ???'s POV to Spencer. Oh, and listen to "Tears Don't Fall" by Bullet for My Valentine while reading this. Enjoy…**

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I always knew that this would happen to us. I knew it from the beginning. The second you pushed me against that wall, your hot breath on my neck, soft lips trailing my skin, I knew it.

I'm so sorry, Spencer.

I watched you get hurt. I watched you flinch as JJ called me and I excused myself to answer. I watched you turn away from me after sex, I heard you cry. You were dying inside.

I'm so sorry, Spencer.

I knew what you were doing in the bathroom. Remember when I caught you? You just stared up at me, chocolate eyes wide and your fingers down you throat. Your eyes were watering and vomit trailed down your chin. And what did I do? I laughed. I laughed and left the room. As I shut the door, I heard you scream for me, and I kept walking. I came back that night, and we had sex again.

I'm so sorry, Spencer.

I watched the scars on your wrists grow. Everyone else noticed, too. One time, your brother asked me to talk to you about it. I agreed, and confronted you. Do you remember that night? I shoved you against the wall, your disgustingly thin body fighting for air. You didn't fight back; you were too weak. You're a FBI agent, and you can't even stop me from hurting you? No, because you didn't want me to stop. You told me that you deserved it. I put you in a hospital, Spencer, and you _still loved me_.

I'm so sorry, Spencer.

Why didn't you leave, Spencer? I beat the shit out of you, used you for sex, and was literally killing you inside. Hell, you had been sober for what, two years when we started dating? You broke that a year later. Didn't that clue you into the fact that the relationship was bad? Everyone who told you to leave me you shunned. You stopped talking to Gideon, Hotch, everyone. Everyone knew that I was bad for you, including me, except for you.

I'm so sorry, Spencer.

Do you remember when I found your heroine stash? Do you remember what I did to you? I tied you to the bed, and bared your arm. I found the still open hole, and injected a lethal dose into your bloodstream. Do you remember what I told you? I said, "You always wanted to die, so here you go." And what did you say back? You said, "I loved you." That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

I'm so sorry, Spencer.

That night, when your eyes closed and your chest stopped moving, it took me an hour to realize what I had just done. You were dead. You _are_ dead. And I was the one who killed you. I didn't call the police or an ambulance. No. I wiped the syringe off, put on a pair of gloves, and put the syringe in your own fingers. I made it look like you did it yourself. I typed up a suicide note so the police couldn't match up handwriting. _Nobody suspected a thing._

I'm so sorry, Spencer.

I didn't go to your funeral. I couldn't bear it. Yes, evil can feel guilt. I had come to terms that I am evil, and everything that I do is a sin. I had my life perfect, though. You were gone, JJ and I had our own baby, Hotch and all the rest of your old friends were my friends again, and the police didn't even suspect that you had been murdered. It was so perfect.

I'm so sorry, Spencer.

What started out as love turned into something fatal. I'm truly sorry for that, Spencer. I really did love you. I ended your young life. Your beautiful, fragile existence was shattered by someone you trusted and dare I say loved back? Did _you_ truly love me, though? Did you hold on because you thought that it was a phase?

God, I'm so fucking sorry, Spencer.

Were you glad that I released you from your hell? Are you happy now? Do you still cry up there in the heavens? I know that your in Heaven; the only wrong you ever did is hold on to me. Whenever it rains I know it's you. You still hurt. Just know that your tears don't fall, they crash around me. I know that you like it when I hurt inside. No, you love it just like I loved it when I hurt you.

I'm so sorry, Spencer.

I loved you in the beginning with all my heart. And I loved you when I took your life, ending your pain.

I'm not so sorry about that at all.

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**A/N- OMG, I'm crying. Hey, can you guess who the bad guy was? I'll give you a hint: he's a canon character and on the show. (He's a regular.) Please know that I'm only fourteen. Don't be too harsh. Yes, I DO use big words for my age. Geez, that was hard to write. Please review. **


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